Fatherly Advice

Right now my daughter is nine and a half years old and still listens to my advice. She listens still, but with a periodic eye roll and an "I know" quickly following behind. Before she stops listening altogether I have decided to refine my advice. In the past I have talked with her about appropriate dress, how to act in restaurants and other public places and how to play with friends. She has asked me what I think of her art work and I have always tried to redirect it back to her deciding whether she liked it. Now I must pick carefully what I share because I know for every year she approaches her teenage years there will be less room in her brain to retain my brilliant words of wisdom. The following is a top ten list of what I hope she remembers. 10. Live life based on your beliefs and values not for what you think others want you to believe. 9. Whenever you get involved in a relationship make sure you do so only if you are truly ready to be committed to the other person. If you are unready it is not fair to you or them. 8. Don't be afraid to "fail". When you don't succeed; you learn something new about yourself. 7. Other people are neither better or worse than you; they are just different. If you are not compatible with someone that is okay. 6. Enjoy every moment you have with friends and family; you never know how long they will be in your life. 5. Do your best in school to give yourself the chance to go wherever you want for college. The chance to have your choice of schools is one that is up to you to earn. 4. Don't feel obligated to go straight into school. You can travel for a year or more or work for a while. There are many alternatives in life. Once again don't limit yourself by what others think you should do. 3. Use credit cards only to establish credit. Only charge an item that you have the cash to cover it. Avoid getting into debt. 2. Be willing to give of yourself by joining local volunteer organizations or even something national such as The Peace Corps. 1. Most importantly have fun!

Death is not for the Living

This year has been filled with challenges and difficulty in my family. My father-in-law passed away on February 27th after five and a half years after suffering a major stroke, my brother-in-law lost his battle with cancer on March 15th less than two months after being diagnosed, and my dad died on April 19th just two and a half weeks after suffering two strokes and a heart attack. Their pathway to dying differed just as they did as people. My father-in-law was a quiet family man that enjoyed playing basketball, going on long drives with his family, and bragging about his children including my wife, who is a USC graduate (Nobody's perfect). His stroke was back in May, 2008 and during the remainder of his life he went from being able to walk a bit with assistance and communicating to being non-communicative and bed ridden during the last few years. My brother-in-law had pain in his hip and was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer less than two months before his death. He was a quiet, but strong family man who my sister could rely on for whatever she needed. He exuded warmth without effort and loved his children dearly and they loved him. He suffered pain prior to his death and unfortunately did not have a long time to help his family transition into their life without him. My father's condition deteriorated mainly over the last two years of his life. His knees broke down to the point that they were both bone and bone thus making walking very painful. Dementia had set in to the point that I was left explaining football to the man who had introduced me to every major sport and answered all my questions no matter how silly they might have been. This brings me to the question "What is the right way to die?" That is based on the assumption that there is actually one right way to die. It is somewhat easy to say how I would like to die as I sit here relatively healthy. However, when my time comes I cannot say how I will truly feel. My father was given three months to live the day before he died. We advised the doctor to give him purely comfort care as that was his wishes and ones that I definitely agreed with. My father-in-law suffered a much more difficult journey to his death as he went back and forth to the hospital repeatedly over the last few years of his life. This included numerous blood transfusions as well as dialysis during his last days on this earth. Unfortunately, due to his inability to verbalize during his last few years we were unable to determine his wishes regarding treatment and care up to his dying day. I was not able to be with my brother-in-law during his last days, but I sense he and my sister would have preferred more days together. He was definitely suffering, but it was not nearly as long as either my father-in-law nor my father. I cannot speak for either of them so I truly do not know at what point they would have rather he be at peace then still be on this earth. Unfortunately, they did not have the chance to ponder that thought for very long due to him passing less than eight weeks after his diagnosis. I cannot blame anyone who wants to hold onto the hope that somehow they will be miraculously healed or there will be a new cure discovered. I do not wish to hold out for such hope. If I am diagnosed with a terminal illness I anticipate receiving treatment that gives me hope for survival, but not to the extent that my quality of life is gone. A shorter experience filled life is far better than one hooked up to machines only to prolong the inevitable. In our country we are not allowed to assist in someone's death, however we can make it as peaceful and compassionate to the very end. I believe we owe it those in our lives to be there for them in their last days. This is not about what they have done for us or what they can do, but rather a duty as human beings to ease our loved one's transition to death and whatever is beyond that in the easiest way possible.

For Profit Doesn't Guarantee Quality Education

For profit education sounds like a great idea. The educational institutions that provide the highest quality for the best price will be the most successful. I wish it were so easy and true. These companies are not as private as they claim to be. The schools are approved to provide education in certain programs by the government. Accreditation agencies verify that the schools provide the education that they say they are providing. Once the schools are accredited they can enroll students who require Federally insured student loans. The loans pay for the students' education even if the quality is barely passable. Also, once students have enrolled in the program they are stuck for the loan whether they complete the courses or not. The emphasis on getting and keeping students enrolled in these schools turns out to be the sole focus in many cases. The real goal should be providing education to students who don't want to attend traditional schools and are looking for knowledge that will help them find employment. Also, as the focus remains on enrolling more and more students the school is concerned mainly on keeping students rather than making sure they meet certain requirements of the school. All of this could come down to "caveat emptor" otherwise known as let the buyer beware. I still wouldn't be thrilled about the deception that goes on with the schools, but it wouldn't be as much of a concern if all the money was coming from the student. However, the problem is that the money for these courses comes largely from Pell grants which could be used elsewhere. It is a great business model if you are only concerned about making money and aren't looking to provide a quality educational experience. Sadly, many of the students don't find out till its to late what kind of situation they have gotten themselves into. Unfortunately, there are no simple and easy solutions. There definitely needs to be closer oversight of for profit colleges. More immediate retribution for a school that doesn't provide what is promised would also help. Schools are supposed to educate individuals to improve their lives and not to be deeper in debt. Students are supposed to be lifted up and not left with a bad taste in their mouths. Their mouths should instead need to be filled with the flavor of hope and an improved future.

The Invisible Parade

For approximately ten years I announced the Strawberry Festival in Garden Grove. Many groups were entertaining especially The Compton Sounders, a synchronized drum group, but no parade was as memorable as the invisible parade. No parade goes just as planned. Someone or some creature gets sick. A local politician is required to remain in an extended political session or a vehicle breaks down. Whatever the reason, there ends up being a variety of breaks throughout the parade. One year instead of continually announcing the events being held throughout the day and trying to find other topics to discuss; I instead created the invisible parade. The invisible parade had monkeys riding on the backs of elephants. The creature did flips and landed into a perfect handstand. There was a 300 piece band playing in unison and criss-crossing as they marched. Cheerleaders were leaping into pyramids and staying in form as they marched through the parade. What is my point? My point is that my best experience came from my head. This creation didn't cost anything, involve any clean up, or preparation. I have taken this philosophy into my life with my daughter. She and I make plans, but if they change or are cancelled we know we can always use our imagination. We know we won't be let down if we make up special days in our head because if we are bored we can just change the mental picture. The fun is always available to us thanks to the invisible parade!

Watch out blog world!

Last year I wrote one blog post and this year this will be my first. This does not make me a prolific blogger. I found that having your blog called Erratic Thoughts leads to a very unfocused blog and blog experience. This is why I changed my blog title to Modern Philosophy in a Virtual World. I have twelve followers; eleven if you recognize the fact that Paul Swendson is not two people. It would be nice if one of my blog readers could describe my blog in a sentence or two so others could have their interests piqued and become regular readers. What is most important is that I write about topics that pique my interest so that whether I gain readership or not; it is an enjoyable and informative experience for me. Here's to the future. Thoughts on the politics of education, fatherhood, sports, and how they all relate to the human experience are on the horizon. Look out virtual world, here I come!

From Jew to Unitarian and back to Jew again

I was born a Jew and will die a Jew, but in between I took a bit of a detour. In general Jews are a pretty open minded group and so I fit right in with Unitarian Universalists. As I studied in Hebrew School I found that if there was a lesson taught to the class that we didn't understand; we were encouraged to question. Also, if other religions presented their beliefs to us, we were to question them as well. That clearly made sense to me and I have felt comfortable with being Jewish most my existence. However about six or seven years ago I began questioning my Judaism and wanted to experiment with other belief systems. I now realize that although I appreciate them including Unitarian Universalism, but I feel most at home in a synagogue. Today, I went to the Pasadena Jewish Temple & Center www.pjtc.net and I felt at home again.

I was greeted by Cara Jaffe who is in charge of rituals and was very helpful and engaging. The cantor Ruth Harris came over and greeted me while I enjoyed the wonderful lunch provided by the Bat Mitzvah girl Carmiya's family. Rabbi Joshua Levine-Grater sat at the table with me and discussed the temple with me and the other congregants I sat with made my day just feel glorious.

I feel there should be a plaque on the temple's wall that says something like Home is where the Synagogue is, but that seems a little wordy. Maybe instead "Don't be a fool, Go to Shul." or "Don't be Cruel, go to Shul." Either one works or I am sure there are many more out there that are far better. For now I will take it one Sabbath at a time.

What I am thankful for

As Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching I am quite thankful for where I am at in my life. Last year at this time I was looking for a job in accounting or a related business. As it got closer and closer to Labor Day this year I was willing to take on any form of labor. Although my most positive experiences in work were as a teacher and working in accounting; I just wanted a job. This is when I believe G-d put his hand out and guided me.

I went to the Verdugo Job Center in Glendale and signed up for job search assistance. After attending an orientation and a support group I met with a young woman named Deidra. I wemt to get help with my resume and how to better focus my job search. She gave me input that now seems so obvious to me, but until I met with Deidra I had not considered combining my two skill sets. The job counselors I had spoken with before encouraged me to either to apply for accounting jobs or start my own business. Deidra, instead, thought outside the box as they say. Her suggestion was for me to look at the EDD site and identify all the school that were training students in business. After I found the schools I contacted them and submitted my resume to many. Within a few weeks I had two interviews and was hired.

I love my job and it is an ideal position for me as it utilizes my skills. I am helping students learn about business and computer programs that will help them obtain jobs for themselves. I am happily paying it forward.

I am truly thankful to Deidra, family, friends and G-d who helped me through these difficult times and into a much better situation.