Fatherly Advice

Right now my daughter is nine and a half years old and still listens to my advice. She listens still, but with a periodic eye roll and an "I know" quickly following behind. Before she stops listening altogether I have decided to refine my advice. In the past I have talked with her about appropriate dress, how to act in restaurants and other public places and how to play with friends. She has asked me what I think of her art work and I have always tried to redirect it back to her deciding whether she liked it. Now I must pick carefully what I share because I know for every year she approaches her teenage years there will be less room in her brain to retain my brilliant words of wisdom. The following is a top ten list of what I hope she remembers. 10. Live life based on your beliefs and values not for what you think others want you to believe. 9. Whenever you get involved in a relationship make sure you do so only if you are truly ready to be committed to the other person. If you are unready it is not fair to you or them. 8. Don't be afraid to "fail". When you don't succeed; you learn something new about yourself. 7. Other people are neither better or worse than you; they are just different. If you are not compatible with someone that is okay. 6. Enjoy every moment you have with friends and family; you never know how long they will be in your life. 5. Do your best in school to give yourself the chance to go wherever you want for college. The chance to have your choice of schools is one that is up to you to earn. 4. Don't feel obligated to go straight into school. You can travel for a year or more or work for a while. There are many alternatives in life. Once again don't limit yourself by what others think you should do. 3. Use credit cards only to establish credit. Only charge an item that you have the cash to cover it. Avoid getting into debt. 2. Be willing to give of yourself by joining local volunteer organizations or even something national such as The Peace Corps. 1. Most importantly have fun!

Death is not for the Living

This year has been filled with challenges and difficulty in my family. My father-in-law passed away on February 27th after five and a half years after suffering a major stroke, my brother-in-law lost his battle with cancer on March 15th less than two months after being diagnosed, and my dad died on April 19th just two and a half weeks after suffering two strokes and a heart attack. Their pathway to dying differed just as they did as people. My father-in-law was a quiet family man that enjoyed playing basketball, going on long drives with his family, and bragging about his children including my wife, who is a USC graduate (Nobody's perfect). His stroke was back in May, 2008 and during the remainder of his life he went from being able to walk a bit with assistance and communicating to being non-communicative and bed ridden during the last few years. My brother-in-law had pain in his hip and was diagnosed with stage four lung cancer less than two months before his death. He was a quiet, but strong family man who my sister could rely on for whatever she needed. He exuded warmth without effort and loved his children dearly and they loved him. He suffered pain prior to his death and unfortunately did not have a long time to help his family transition into their life without him. My father's condition deteriorated mainly over the last two years of his life. His knees broke down to the point that they were both bone and bone thus making walking very painful. Dementia had set in to the point that I was left explaining football to the man who had introduced me to every major sport and answered all my questions no matter how silly they might have been. This brings me to the question "What is the right way to die?" That is based on the assumption that there is actually one right way to die. It is somewhat easy to say how I would like to die as I sit here relatively healthy. However, when my time comes I cannot say how I will truly feel. My father was given three months to live the day before he died. We advised the doctor to give him purely comfort care as that was his wishes and ones that I definitely agreed with. My father-in-law suffered a much more difficult journey to his death as he went back and forth to the hospital repeatedly over the last few years of his life. This included numerous blood transfusions as well as dialysis during his last days on this earth. Unfortunately, due to his inability to verbalize during his last few years we were unable to determine his wishes regarding treatment and care up to his dying day. I was not able to be with my brother-in-law during his last days, but I sense he and my sister would have preferred more days together. He was definitely suffering, but it was not nearly as long as either my father-in-law nor my father. I cannot speak for either of them so I truly do not know at what point they would have rather he be at peace then still be on this earth. Unfortunately, they did not have the chance to ponder that thought for very long due to him passing less than eight weeks after his diagnosis. I cannot blame anyone who wants to hold onto the hope that somehow they will be miraculously healed or there will be a new cure discovered. I do not wish to hold out for such hope. If I am diagnosed with a terminal illness I anticipate receiving treatment that gives me hope for survival, but not to the extent that my quality of life is gone. A shorter experience filled life is far better than one hooked up to machines only to prolong the inevitable. In our country we are not allowed to assist in someone's death, however we can make it as peaceful and compassionate to the very end. I believe we owe it those in our lives to be there for them in their last days. This is not about what they have done for us or what they can do, but rather a duty as human beings to ease our loved one's transition to death and whatever is beyond that in the easiest way possible.

For Profit Doesn't Guarantee Quality Education

For profit education sounds like a great idea. The educational institutions that provide the highest quality for the best price will be the most successful. I wish it were so easy and true. These companies are not as private as they claim to be. The schools are approved to provide education in certain programs by the government. Accreditation agencies verify that the schools provide the education that they say they are providing. Once the schools are accredited they can enroll students who require Federally insured student loans. The loans pay for the students' education even if the quality is barely passable. Also, once students have enrolled in the program they are stuck for the loan whether they complete the courses or not. The emphasis on getting and keeping students enrolled in these schools turns out to be the sole focus in many cases. The real goal should be providing education to students who don't want to attend traditional schools and are looking for knowledge that will help them find employment. Also, as the focus remains on enrolling more and more students the school is concerned mainly on keeping students rather than making sure they meet certain requirements of the school. All of this could come down to "caveat emptor" otherwise known as let the buyer beware. I still wouldn't be thrilled about the deception that goes on with the schools, but it wouldn't be as much of a concern if all the money was coming from the student. However, the problem is that the money for these courses comes largely from Pell grants which could be used elsewhere. It is a great business model if you are only concerned about making money and aren't looking to provide a quality educational experience. Sadly, many of the students don't find out till its to late what kind of situation they have gotten themselves into. Unfortunately, there are no simple and easy solutions. There definitely needs to be closer oversight of for profit colleges. More immediate retribution for a school that doesn't provide what is promised would also help. Schools are supposed to educate individuals to improve their lives and not to be deeper in debt. Students are supposed to be lifted up and not left with a bad taste in their mouths. Their mouths should instead need to be filled with the flavor of hope and an improved future.

The Invisible Parade

For approximately ten years I announced the Strawberry Festival in Garden Grove. Many groups were entertaining especially The Compton Sounders, a synchronized drum group, but no parade was as memorable as the invisible parade. No parade goes just as planned. Someone or some creature gets sick. A local politician is required to remain in an extended political session or a vehicle breaks down. Whatever the reason, there ends up being a variety of breaks throughout the parade. One year instead of continually announcing the events being held throughout the day and trying to find other topics to discuss; I instead created the invisible parade. The invisible parade had monkeys riding on the backs of elephants. The creature did flips and landed into a perfect handstand. There was a 300 piece band playing in unison and criss-crossing as they marched. Cheerleaders were leaping into pyramids and staying in form as they marched through the parade. What is my point? My point is that my best experience came from my head. This creation didn't cost anything, involve any clean up, or preparation. I have taken this philosophy into my life with my daughter. She and I make plans, but if they change or are cancelled we know we can always use our imagination. We know we won't be let down if we make up special days in our head because if we are bored we can just change the mental picture. The fun is always available to us thanks to the invisible parade!

Watch out blog world!

Last year I wrote one blog post and this year this will be my first. This does not make me a prolific blogger. I found that having your blog called Erratic Thoughts leads to a very unfocused blog and blog experience. This is why I changed my blog title to Modern Philosophy in a Virtual World. I have twelve followers; eleven if you recognize the fact that Paul Swendson is not two people. It would be nice if one of my blog readers could describe my blog in a sentence or two so others could have their interests piqued and become regular readers. What is most important is that I write about topics that pique my interest so that whether I gain readership or not; it is an enjoyable and informative experience for me. Here's to the future. Thoughts on the politics of education, fatherhood, sports, and how they all relate to the human experience are on the horizon. Look out virtual world, here I come!

From Jew to Unitarian and back to Jew again

I was born a Jew and will die a Jew, but in between I took a bit of a detour. In general Jews are a pretty open minded group and so I fit right in with Unitarian Universalists. As I studied in Hebrew School I found that if there was a lesson taught to the class that we didn't understand; we were encouraged to question. Also, if other religions presented their beliefs to us, we were to question them as well. That clearly made sense to me and I have felt comfortable with being Jewish most my existence. However about six or seven years ago I began questioning my Judaism and wanted to experiment with other belief systems. I now realize that although I appreciate them including Unitarian Universalism, but I feel most at home in a synagogue. Today, I went to the Pasadena Jewish Temple & Center www.pjtc.net and I felt at home again.

I was greeted by Cara Jaffe who is in charge of rituals and was very helpful and engaging. The cantor Ruth Harris came over and greeted me while I enjoyed the wonderful lunch provided by the Bat Mitzvah girl Carmiya's family. Rabbi Joshua Levine-Grater sat at the table with me and discussed the temple with me and the other congregants I sat with made my day just feel glorious.

I feel there should be a plaque on the temple's wall that says something like Home is where the Synagogue is, but that seems a little wordy. Maybe instead "Don't be a fool, Go to Shul." or "Don't be Cruel, go to Shul." Either one works or I am sure there are many more out there that are far better. For now I will take it one Sabbath at a time.

What I am thankful for

As Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching I am quite thankful for where I am at in my life. Last year at this time I was looking for a job in accounting or a related business. As it got closer and closer to Labor Day this year I was willing to take on any form of labor. Although my most positive experiences in work were as a teacher and working in accounting; I just wanted a job. This is when I believe G-d put his hand out and guided me.

I went to the Verdugo Job Center in Glendale and signed up for job search assistance. After attending an orientation and a support group I met with a young woman named Deidra. I wemt to get help with my resume and how to better focus my job search. She gave me input that now seems so obvious to me, but until I met with Deidra I had not considered combining my two skill sets. The job counselors I had spoken with before encouraged me to either to apply for accounting jobs or start my own business. Deidra, instead, thought outside the box as they say. Her suggestion was for me to look at the EDD site and identify all the school that were training students in business. After I found the schools I contacted them and submitted my resume to many. Within a few weeks I had two interviews and was hired.

I love my job and it is an ideal position for me as it utilizes my skills. I am helping students learn about business and computer programs that will help them obtain jobs for themselves. I am happily paying it forward.

I am truly thankful to Deidra, family, friends and G-d who helped me through these difficult times and into a much better situation.

The Little Blog That Could

A little less than 2 months ago I decided to end this blog and start an advice blog. The two people I gave advice to really valued and utilized my advice. However, it is hard to have a daily advice column with that little response. In the meantime I have been busy looking for steady employment and continuing to settle in to my new home as well as spending valuable time with my fiancee. The solution to the advice column dilemma seems to be either finding a way to market it so others hear about it and write in or to not continue writing it. At this time I realize that I am no marketing genius nor do I wish to try and become one. So I am going to share my erratic thoughts here for myself and the readers whether there are 3, 3,000, or 3 million.

Recently I went on one of many interviews I have gone on. This was for a part time instructor position that I knew I would enjoy doing, but had no idea if I would get it. After one interview and a presentation in front of the other instructors and the administrator; they had me filling out paperwork such as a W4 that you only complete if you have the job. I asked them if it meant that I got the job and they indicated yes. It took all the control I have to refrain from screaming with job or jumping up and down. I am still looking for additional work as this is part time and at night, but most importantly it is steady work.

I believe strongly in the concepts in The Four Agreements and the concept that one's esteem needs to come from within. However, I couldn't help myself from feeling much better about myself due to the reinorcement and the fact I will have some place to go on every weekday. It feels good to provide a necessary skill to society.

Feelings are clearly not logical. Before and after getting the job I was the same person. The difference is having my personal confidence reinforced. I worked one day so far as a sub and as of tonight I will begin working every weekday or do I call it every weeknight? Either way it feels great to get back to work and know I am providing a necessary service to others and one that I am confident I can do well.

Advice to Self: Start an Advice Blog

I haven't written in a while mostly because I have been busy getting settled in to my new place and continuing my job search. One of the things that's been bothering me with this blog is that it does not seem to attract a large following. I have my small group of readers who I truly appreciate, but those are mainly people who happen to know me personally. The main problem is the fact that I chose to write about a variety of topics thus leading to my blog title "Erratic Thoughts". This has led me to wonder if I need to change my blog or open a new blog.

As I have been considering my new blog I have gone over a few different concepts. I thought about mental illness, but I already tried that and I found it a bit tedious and depressing at times. Another possibility is sports, but that is something I have become less and less interesting in plus there are many sportswriters out there. Entertainment is a possibility, but that involves having funds to go out to many events plus again in some ways my interests have lessened. As I continued to think of every kind of topic and shot them all down, I started to think about what do I most enjoy reading. Mystery novels are intriguing, but I am not planning on writing a novel at this time nor do I want to review them. I truly enjoy reading advice columns such as Dear Abby and Ask Amy. Wait a second! All the general advice columns I have read have been written by women. I have always been a good listener and one who many people have turned to for advice so this sounds like a thought. I don't claim to be an expert or a psychologist, but I have a lot of experiences and opinions. I figure this will be an interesting thing to do and hope to do it for fun and maybe help a few people in the meantime.

Don't Lose that Improv Feeling

If you can make it to a live improv comedy show I highly recommend The Groundlings on Melrose in West Hollywood, but if you can't make it there then check out these clips from the original Whose Line is it Anyway from the UK.



Over the last approximately 4 years I have been busy trying to find ways to make money and/or obtain gainful employment. Since I haven't been successful at finding anything with a consistent schedule I have chosen not to perform with any improv group. I performed for a little over 10 years with a very funny group from Orange County, CA called An Angry Mob. We performed very successful shows as headliners at The Original Comedy Store on Sunset as well as the one in La Jolla, The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano, and The Ice House in Pasadena as well as many other locations. The problem was that we might perform 3 shows in a week then over the next 6 months perform just another 3. It's a tough business out there especially when you book your gigs yourselves.

My cousin Sue passed away 3 1/2 years ago after battling a debilitating disease. It was very difficult watching a woman who loved to chat and laugh forced to communicate only in writing since she had to have a tracheotomy. Her best friend and I switched off being at her bedside over a 3 month period so she almost always had a daily visitor. I don't mention this to pat myself on the back, but rather to explain why words she said have such meaning. Due to family discord that did not directly involve us, we had not been close until the last two years of her life. During this time she became very supportive of me as a person and enjoyed attending the group's performances. She encouraged me to keep performing even if it was just once or twice a year. I lived in L.A. for about a year from 2006 to 2007 and took classes with the well renowned Groundlings. I enjoyed the opportunity to perform although I did not make out of the first level through any of my three attempts. This is greatly due to the fact that I enjoy being a quick wit rather than being able to create characters which The Groundlings are known for (Paul Reubens aka Pee Wee Herman was a Groundling, Phil Hartman, Lisa Kudrow, and many many more).

There is such a camraderie felt when one is part of a comedy troupe or merely an improv comedy performance. The energy on the stage when shows go well is electric and it bonds the entire group. Even when shows don't go that well, the group can be bonded by blaming the audience, lighting, or the fact the girl in front had makeup that looked like it was put on by monkeys on crack. Of course there is the occasional time when the group doesn't get along, but with the right group it is all worth it in the end.

My cousin's answering machine allowed us to hear her voice from beyond the grave. When anyone called, Sue's voice would say "You Know What to Do." This message took us through difficult decisions her best friend and I had to make. These included carrying out her wishes when some of those were not made clear by her even though she had a living will and made me the executor of her estate. I know that I will jump up on an improv state again and hopefully sooner rather than later. One of the motivating factors will be knowing that somewhere my cousin will be smiling and laughing louder than anyone in the crowd. In addition, her words and spirit will always resonate with me letting me know that I know what to do.

A Raphe by any other name

I just left my local 7 Eleven and instead of being given a standard salutation such as thanks or have a goodnight, the guy said "Thanks Bub." After all these years I am being called bub. It's bad enough that my name Raphael is pronounced "Ray-fee-ohl" which confuses the average bear and almost anyone else I have met, but now I have to deal with the indignity of being called inane names.

My nickname is Raphe (Rayf) which has turned into Roff by people that I have known for years. People I don't know will call me Ralph or Greg and I just stand there in awe. However, these are situations where I can give them the benefit of the doubt and figure that somehow they just haven't heard my name right or maybe just don't care.

Why would anyone think calling someone boss would be received positively? When I get my oil changed I don't want to be referred to as boss or bro. A simple sir would do or even Mr. Margolin.




I have a strange idea for people in customer service. If you can't think of a respectable name to call your customer then how about asking him/her what they would like to be called? This concept may be too much for your average individual, but it is one that I wish would be taken into account.

Someday I will walk up to the counter at the local Seven Eleven, place my product on the counter, and have over my money. I will receive my change and my item then as I saunter out the store I will hear those special words, "Thank you sir." My ears will perk up and I will be one happy dude.

20 years or so of Bipolar

It was in 1990 that I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wasn't given a certificate or anything, but the doctor definitively gave me that diagnosis. I knew that I had some sort of condition years before, but this was when I became truly aware. Being diagnosed with a mental illness is not like being told you have strep throat and being given an antibiotic. You can't take a drug and in a few weeks be magically cured. With mental illness it is a life long process of doctors, medications, education and more.

The date that started my ten week stay in various psychiatric hospitals was August 11, 1990. Thankfully since I exited the last of the 3 hospitals on October 23, 1990 I have not had the need to return. Does this mean that life has been simple since then? Definitely not simple at all. There have been many romantic relationships over the years that have not lasted including a failed marriage. I became an elementary school teacher only to find out after 7 years of full time teaching that this really wasn't the career for me. Leaving teaching I decided to try my hand at working as a Realtor, but I found that I don't like banging on people's doors and need a more structured job. I worked as an independent contractor doing general accounting for a friend for a while, but as of late last year he no longer needed my services due to lessening of his client base. I am still on call with him, but he hasn't needed me for quite a while. In case you didn't know, the job market isn't exactly stellar right now so looking back maybe teaching wasn't so bad after all.

Many of my problems are not limited to someone with a mental illness. This is where sometimes it is hard identifying if am I experiencing a situation that is part of being bipolar and having a manic or depressive episode or am I just experiencing the challenges of life. Being elated over getting a job or sad for losing one are quite normal. If these feelings last excessively long this can be an issue. If I either decide that I can suddenly be elected King of the World or that I am completely unemployable then these are mental illness issues. Unfortunately things are usually not that clear and there are subtle nuances one must learn to identify when feelings are going a bit awry.

As you can see even after having knowledge of this condition for nearly 20 years I am still learning more and more about myself. One of the best things one can have when dealing with any mental illness is having an excellent support system. I have been blessed with having supportive friends and family over the years and now a very wonderful fiancee who is there whenever I need her. The challenges will continue, but I can confidently say that I can succeed and when it is all over I plan on being able to say that I did it my way!

Assumption assumption, what's your function?

As I have mentioned before the book The Four Agreements has had a very strong impact on my life. One of the agreements is to never make assumptions. I have worked to avoid assumptions since learning of this, but what is most interesting is to look back on my life and see how making assumptions affected me.

Much of my early years was spent going from one boyhood crush to another. Many times these crushes had no basis in reality. The young woman I was attracted to did not match what I envisioned of her in my brain as well as not being unreachable as I perceived.

It was easy for me to put most women I liked on a pedestal. My self esteem was so low that nearly every young woman appeared to me to be better than me and thus beyond my reach. The best way I can demonstrate this is to bring out an example of my youth.

During my freshman year in high school I was threatened by a fellow student with muscles in one of his arms bigger than all of my muscles put together. He was upset because someone was using a computer generated device to call his girlfriend and somebody told him it sounded like me. It wasn't me and I actually didn't even know his girlfriend or what she looked like. Since I was being threatened by this tobacco chewing spitball spitting hulk of a youth I figured I might as well find out who I was accused of harassing. I inquired of a mutual acquaintance and I saw her from afar. Well, this started a crush/obsession that would last for years. Did she intrigue me because I talked with her and got to know all about her life, values, and beliefs? No, that would make too much sense, involve maturity, and require self esteem that I did not possess. It was based on how she looked and what I thought she was all about by watching her from a far.

She appeared to be the all American girl and down to Earth. I imagined us being a couple hanging out together, dancing at school dances, and walking on the beach hand in hand. I also didn't ask her out for my first three years of school due to the fact she was either attached or when she wasn't I didn't feel worthy of even approaching her for a date. Over time I did get to know her more, but it was still on a superficial level as my interest wasn't in whom she really was, but rather the person I created in my brain. I finally got the nerve in my senior year to ask her out. By this time I had managed to let everyone around her and myself know of my interest so it was truly the world's worst kept secret. I even remember yelling her name from across campus and then jumping under a table. This made me appear completely stable and a dream man I am sure. Something I didn't expect happened which is she actually said she would think about it. This to me was amazing, I was flying on air although it is very likely she didn't know how best to let me down and felt uncomfortable with this encounter. After a few days she let me know that she was turning down my offer. She was pleasant about it, but looking back I can't blame her one bit.

She was still in my mind when I attended my 5 year and 10 year reunion. I dated other women throughout those years, but every so often I would think of her and at the reunions I wanted to dance with her. This again was not to know her, but rather as some idea that it proved I was worthy. Two years after the 10 year reunion I was married and stayed married for around six years.

After my divorce I contacted the object of my obsession, but now with the knowledge that I was no better or worse than anyone else. The assumptions I had about others superiority to me were gone. We chatted for a while through email and decided to meet for lunch. In high school I would have viewed this "lunch date" as the start of our voyage onto marriage and lifelong happiness. Instead I no longer was making assumptions and we just had a pleasant lunch getting to actually know each other and build on our new friendship.

A few years later we saw each other at our 20 year high school reunion and finally got the dance I had so much longed for. This was not a romantic dance, but rather friends having fun together. What was most important to me was that I was free of assumptions of the past so I could enjoy this moment and not think beyond it in any way. I truly can see clearly now, my brain is on.

Do I take the bible literally?

Every year my family gets together for Passover. This is the holiday that is from Exodus in the bible which tells the story of Moses leading the Jews out of Egypt. During the Seder (the meal and reading during Passover) we read about how the Jews were kept as prisoners under Pharaoh's rule and the way they were able to finally convince the Pharaoh to let Moses's people go. This is a very brief synopsis of this holiday as there is much more to it, but I only wish to focus on this aspect of it.

According to the story that is read during Passover, there were 10 plagues that were put upon the the Pharaoh and his people. They are blood, frogs,lice, flies, cattle disease, boils, locusts, darkness, and slaying of the first born. This was not a good time to be one of Pharaoh's followers.

My concern and questions about this story is that this describes a God that would punish all members of a group for the actions of the few. History is filled with actions a country's leadership conducts that goes against the desires of many of the common people. The Passover story doesn't say these plagues are against only those that support the pharaoh, but really against all his people. This to me seems inherently unfair and not how the God I believe in would act. I believe in a loving god that has expectations for us all and if there is some sort of judgement day; judgement will be based on individual actions and not a country's leadership or lack thereof.

I do not claim to know more than others or have a clear cut answer here. I wish only to raise the question and hear others' perspectives. If someday I go to the pearly gates and am told that I was wrong then I will clearly accept that. I hope and desire that for now and the rest of my time on Earth that I will always feel comfortable with questioning the things I don't understand.

Liberal Republican or Conservative Democrat?

As I try to think of which party I belong in I am reminded of a fun 80's song by Eddie Murphy. It is a bit of a stretch to connect this to this post, but since this is my blog I am going to do it anyway.



I wish we didn't live in a two party system, but in the United States that is what we have. There are of course other parties, but unless one wants to be left out of voting for individual candidates during the primaries then it is necessary to choose a party. This is the time a difference can be made in regards to who is going to hold office in California. The districts are so gerrymandered that after the primary the contest is basically decided based on whether the district is Democratic or Republican.

So the question left for me to answer is whether I consider myself a liberal Republican or a conservative Democrat. I am pretty liberal when it comes to social issues such as gay marriage and legalizing marijuana. However, I am anti abortion which is socially conservative. Economically I believe in keeping a close eye on budgets and not spending any more then needs to be spent. I don't believe unions are nearly as necessary as they were in the early 20th century and may actually not be needed at all. At least when it comes to public employees there are serious issues. Of course it would be great if everyone could have an excellent retirement like with the public employee's and the teachers unions. In California the unions are so powerful that they can fight any legislation that tries to adjust their retirement many times under the auspices of doing what is best for children.

This leaves me back where I started which is trying to figure out where I fit in politically. It is not as important as I used to think. During college I was a member of the Young Democrats and I believed that someday I would run for political office. After I graduated and saw all the underhanded activities that are involved in politics I completely lost interest in being elected. One time when I was still considering running for office I had lunch with an elected official I knew. This individual proudly told me how he/she was able to find out details on a competitor by hiring a private investigator. After gathering some dirt he/she used the info to get the other candidate to drop out of the race. I was advised that with $300 I could find out whatever I wanted to about my competitors. Politics was much different than how I had naively thought and now I knew this was not meant for me.

I am currently registered as a Republican and after writing this post I feel I am going to stay that way for now. This is not a major decision as there are many contests that are non-partisan. Then there are many contests in which the incumbent is running unopposed. For the few where there is a choice of candidates I'll be voting for the most liberal of Republicans, but in this time of extreme politics I am probably going to be voting in the minority.

Why do I care so much about what other people do?

This video is from don Miguel Ruiz author of The Four Agreements and other books on Toltec wisdom. His books have helped me see my life more clearly.



When someone I am with comments with disdain about another person's choice of clothing, partner, or food I generally ask them "Why do you care?" Tonight I noticed that I am not good at practicing what I preach.

My friend Joe called me today because he had Angels baseball tickets (explanation given for my international readers and/or non sports enthusiasts) and asked me to accompany him. He actually didn't ask me to accompany him as that would have felt odd, but he did ask if I would go with him.


We drove to the stadium, parked across the street to save a few bucks and get some exercise, then proceeded to find our seat. From the time right before the game and throughout, a gentleman (not actually much of a gentleman, but trying to avoid calling names) started yelling to the players. Mind you we were in the right field bleachers five or so rows in front of the scoreboard so Bobby Abreu or any of the other outfielders could not be privy to this man's commentary. However, it was his prerogative to show his enthusiasm without using profanity which he did refrain from. I still found it unsettling that he felt these players could actually hear him from that far and if so that they were being affected by his taunts. He apparently was having a good time and the woman he was with seemed happy enough so why did this bother me so? I admit to occasionally saying words of encouragement to my favorite player, Ron Cey, like come on get a hit (I wasn't very original back then), but I didn't carry on a one sided conversation with him. It was more like a prayer or mantra or praying mantra (better than praying mantis), but why do I care?

Except for when he yelled so loud that I might have suffered ear damage or when he called a black player boy for not diving (doubt he would have yelled boy to a white player), this didn't need to affect me. However, I managed to get more and more annoyed as the game went on. He may have been bothered by the fact I sat there throughout and only let out an occasional modest cheer, but I doubt it. I like having a mellow experience and need to recognize that that is not what I will get at a ball game. If I want mellow I need to attend the symphony (except when they perform my favorite which is the 1812 overture by Tchaikofsky) or an Air Supply concert. Maybe, there is a bit of me that is jealous of his uninhibited boisterousnes, but I wish I was better at letting it slide off my back into a pool filled with marshmallow creme and coconut shavings.

Later on in the game which was 2 to 0 from the 3rd inning on and finished that way many people began to leave. This started from the 7th inning on and this was a close game! I can see if it was a blowout or something, but other than that, why come to a game and not follow through with it. You have made it almost to the end, why not see it to completion? Again, I realize that I am there for the experience of seeing a game live. As long as there are thousands of fans still there it still will have intensity and excitement. The people that stayed need my attention more then those that have abandoned their seats to be clogged in traffic with others who left early. I wish I knew a simple clear cut answer. I think I may need a personal paradigm shift to see things in a more positive light. I have had 40 or so years of practice at seeing the negatives of what's there; it will take more than one night of revelation to see the positiveness of each and every experience.

Why I am Anti-Abortion

The following is a song that I think of when I think of my daughter. The video is from youtube so I apologize for the misspelling of the word lose as loose.



I don't like the term pro life. Having people live is of course a positive thing, but more importantly I would rather people not have abortions. This opinion is coming from someone who as of 7 years ago considered himself pro choice. I have also always considered myself to be a social liberal. My philosophy on being a social liberal is that if what an individual is doing is not affecting another person then leave them alone. This includes but is not limited to supporting gay marriage and legalizing marijuana.

Let's start by identifying why I was pro choice. I believed that abortion was not a good thing, but it wasn't for me to say whether not another person should have one. However, I don't believe many people want to go through the physical and emotional pain of an abortion if it could be avoided. A former friend had told me about an abortion that she had over 30 years ago and she still imagined what the child would have looked and acted like. I can't imagine how difficult it is to live with this feeling.

What changed my mind? During the development of my only child there were a variety of reasons why it was an at risk pregnancy. This meant that from the early stages of her development before we even knew my daughter was a she we watched her in the womb via sonograms. As she grew and swam as I called it, I felt a connection right then with her. She was growing, but she was and is a person.

Imagine you have a close family member who is in a comatose state where they are unable to communicate with you. You have been told by the doctors as long as they get the nutrients from the I.V.'s and are given proper care; they will come out of the coma and have a fruitful life. Besides the I.V.'s imagine there are additional tubes connected to your family member. Now let's imagine that for some reason you decide that you no longer want to take care of this family member. Rather than finding someone else to step in and help care for them you decide to pull out the I.V.'s and the tubes. Your family member dies and you are charged with murder. Lets switch the situation to a child in the womb. In my opinion, it is no different.

Notice that I have made a concerted effort to refer to the one having the abortion as a person and not a woman. I know that of course women are the ones who carry a child so they are the ones having the abortions. To me though this is not a woman's or man's issue. It is a human issue. It is every human's responsibility to make life as comfortable for a woman carrying an unwanted pregnancy to full term. This includes simplifying the adoption process as access to quality prenatal care. I believe also that a DNA system should be set up so all men's information is accessible regarding the child. This means that the man will be held responsible for his participation in bringing the child into the world and also this solves the problem of having some men identified as parents of children that aren't actually theirs. There are privacy issues here which need to be worked out, but it is important that both the man and the woman are given help as well as being responsible for their actions.

I know this is a volatile issue and I am just stating my opinion. I hope my writing will encourage others to look into this issue more deeply. I don't anticipate changing tons of people's minds, but do feel the responsibility to bring up issues that others will find intriguing.

Poll Position

Polls used to be conducted on a variety of items, but mainly for elections, products, and television shows. The costs of these polls were such that they occurred only when it was important enough and thus cost effective. The advent of the internet has changed all that. In some instances I know it has been beneficial to lessen the cost of conducting polls. Students at universities can illicit responses from a large enough group to make proper scientific conclusions at a fraction of the cost. The same goes for researchers working to identify causes of cancer, alzheimer's and other life destroying diseases. What bothers me is the other polls that occur all too often.

First off, I know I don't have to answer any of the annoying polls or read them for that matter so nobody tell me that. Just cause I can ignore something doesn't mean I can't state my position on the matter. There are now polls about whether you think Tiger Woods will be back soon or later, what the chance of a certain team winning is, who you think will be kicked off a show, etc. These to me are such nonsense! Who are the people that respond? Are they close friends of members of the team so they know who is secretly injured? I highly doubt it. Most the people are just regular individuals who by clicking a button give their worthless opinion on a subject. If 80% of the respondents think the Lakers will win the championship does that mean they will? Of course it doesn't.

Scientifically speaking most the surveys are not accurate because the sample is not randomly chosen; instead they consist of those individuals that have internet and go to the particular site and have the desire to respond to the given question. I have the ability to conduct polls on this blog. I did do one, but at the time my readership was low and the response was very little. Now, I don't foresee having any more polls because I can get an idea about what people think by reading the comments and not by a silly poll.

There are still important polls out there. The most important one being when we go to the polls to cast our votes. Also, it is important to take a small poll like asking everyone in the office what topping do they like on their pizza.

I am going to make sorted effort to not respond to any polls online unless they are for a really valid reason. Whether I like to put my toilet paper with the paper coming over or under does not seem like a good use of my time. I would like to get comments from you so I can find out what is your poll position.

Illegal Immigration

My great grandparents came to this country in the early twentieth century to avoid the pogroms in Russia. This is where the Russians were burning Jewish towns and killing the Jews. When they came to this country it was much easier to be able to go through the immigration process, but either way they did go through it. I believe our laws need to be adjusted so that they are reasonable and much more efficient, but I still believe in the concept of legal immigration.

Some people believe in the idea of no borders. This is a utopian idea that I believe is very dangerous in our time. If we open our country to allow anyone to come in and become a citizen we risk many consequences. An open border would allow terrorists or anyone else that wants to cause harm to our country and our people easy access to doing so. This also would make it tempting for other countries to open their jails and send their criminals to our country. It likely would also cause more harm to our social services including hospitals and schools. Hospitals could be serving foreigners that come over only to receive medical care and then head back to their country. The schools which are already challenged trying to educate the current student body would likely be inundated with students who come over for a short time and leave thus disrupting the flow of classrooms as well as putting extra strain on educators.
Another problem I find with illegal immigration is how illegals become basically second class citizens. Imagine that you are a worker who is in the country illegally and is dealing with poor working conditions. These could be things like unsafe work areas, sexual harassment, pay below the minimum wage, and more are situations that many illegals won't complain about for risk of being deported.

What are some solutions? Before I get into that there needs to be ground rules to discussions. The race card must be kept in the deck. It is unfortunate that right now according to stats on Wikipedia that 57% of illegal immigrants are from Mexico and another 24% from other Latin American countries. This makes it easy for immigrant activists to claim racism when illegal immigration is brought up. I am not naive so I understand that there are racists out there that use illegal immigration as a cover for their true feelings. However, from my experience there are many more of us that would like a reasonable immigration policy and we must allow for an intelligent discussion of it. My feelings on illegal immigrants is the same whether that immigrant is from Mexico or Russia or any other land. I hope this will be an issue we can discuss with intelligence because it is not going away any time soon.

Will I celebrate Easter in the future because it's fun?

My 5 1/2 year old daughter told me on Easter that she wanted me to celebrate Easter because it's fun. I am a Unitarian Universalist which is a liberal religion that includes peoples of Christian, Jewish faith, atheists, and others within it. This is a belief system I have been searching for my entire life and now I feel quite comfortable with it. I grew up being Jewish and still believe in the basic tenets of the religion thus I have continued to observe many of the holidays. My daughter's comment threw me for a bit of a loop.

I am a divorced father with one child who I share with my ex-wife. She lives with my ex and I see her every Tuesday and every other Sunday. The Sunday of my recent visit happened to be Easter. Since our family is Jewish we didn't celebrate Easter with Hannah as she was doing that with her mother and her family. Now from all I know from my ex throughout our marriage and since the divorce, she is merely a secular Christian. Hannah has never attended church with her mom nor with me except for an after church barbecue we attended to eat and play with friends. I remember being in school and dying eggs then I believe we would also hunt for hidden eggs. This was a fun activity and I didn't think twice about the religious history of it all. I would not expect my daughter to delve into that now either, but since I am an adult who has where does that leave me?

I wrote this post because I truly wasn't sure what I wanted to do. It wasn't until the end of the previous paragraph that I came to a conclusion. I can have fun and celebrate with my daughter like she wants me to. As she grows and asks questions about the holidays and what they mean then I can let her know how I see things and encourage her to make up her own mind. This is what works for me. I know whether my daughter is trying to gather acorns at Atlantis park, rocks at Balaeric, or Easter eggs anywhere; what matters is seeing that beaming smile on her lovely face.