Yes, I have bipolar disorder.

I have always felt it is very useful to share experiences in order to realize that we are not alone. When I see we I am not referring to just those of us who suffer from being bipolar, but all of us who deal with the challenges of being human beings in this ever confusing world. I was 21 when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I had a sense when I was younger that something was amiss, but not sure what it was. I was always an emotional child with nervous habits and I could tell that made me different than other children. However, I had no clue what bipolar disorder was and just figured that many of the challenges I faced were because I wasn't able to utilize my intelligence and abilities to the level other students were. In essence my problems were all my fault and under my control.

Even when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder it didn't make me feel much better. I figured that now I had a name for what was wrong with me, but all this meant was that I had a reason why I was a failure, but I was still a failure. I scored 1220 on the SAT exams and had always performed well on intelligence tests. However, in high school I had a g.p.a. of approximately 2.6 and about the same so far in college.

What helped me the most was getting to know others that suffer from bipolar disorder. Sitting in a room of 20 or so fellow sufferers at a bipolar support group and hearing similar life stories gave me plenty of comfort. I recall being at a meeting where a guy asked the group if they had done anything similar to what he did. I saw 80% of the hands go up and could see the utter shock on his face, but at the same time he clearly was comforted.

As I continue writing this blog I will share experiences from throughout my life that have affected me as a person. This is because I am not bipolar, I am a person who has bipolar disorder. This is a disease that has and will affect me throughout my life, but one that I can make the most of. My life has definitely been a challenge and I look forward to living each day and moment to the fullest.