From Jew to Unitarian and back to Jew again

I was born a Jew and will die a Jew, but in between I took a bit of a detour. In general Jews are a pretty open minded group and so I fit right in with Unitarian Universalists. As I studied in Hebrew School I found that if there was a lesson taught to the class that we didn't understand; we were encouraged to question. Also, if other religions presented their beliefs to us, we were to question them as well. That clearly made sense to me and I have felt comfortable with being Jewish most my existence. However about six or seven years ago I began questioning my Judaism and wanted to experiment with other belief systems. I now realize that although I appreciate them including Unitarian Universalism, but I feel most at home in a synagogue. Today, I went to the Pasadena Jewish Temple & Center www.pjtc.net and I felt at home again.

I was greeted by Cara Jaffe who is in charge of rituals and was very helpful and engaging. The cantor Ruth Harris came over and greeted me while I enjoyed the wonderful lunch provided by the Bat Mitzvah girl Carmiya's family. Rabbi Joshua Levine-Grater sat at the table with me and discussed the temple with me and the other congregants I sat with made my day just feel glorious.

I feel there should be a plaque on the temple's wall that says something like Home is where the Synagogue is, but that seems a little wordy. Maybe instead "Don't be a fool, Go to Shul." or "Don't be Cruel, go to Shul." Either one works or I am sure there are many more out there that are far better. For now I will take it one Sabbath at a time.

What I am thankful for

As Thanksgiving is rapidly approaching I am quite thankful for where I am at in my life. Last year at this time I was looking for a job in accounting or a related business. As it got closer and closer to Labor Day this year I was willing to take on any form of labor. Although my most positive experiences in work were as a teacher and working in accounting; I just wanted a job. This is when I believe G-d put his hand out and guided me.

I went to the Verdugo Job Center in Glendale and signed up for job search assistance. After attending an orientation and a support group I met with a young woman named Deidra. I wemt to get help with my resume and how to better focus my job search. She gave me input that now seems so obvious to me, but until I met with Deidra I had not considered combining my two skill sets. The job counselors I had spoken with before encouraged me to either to apply for accounting jobs or start my own business. Deidra, instead, thought outside the box as they say. Her suggestion was for me to look at the EDD site and identify all the school that were training students in business. After I found the schools I contacted them and submitted my resume to many. Within a few weeks I had two interviews and was hired.

I love my job and it is an ideal position for me as it utilizes my skills. I am helping students learn about business and computer programs that will help them obtain jobs for themselves. I am happily paying it forward.

I am truly thankful to Deidra, family, friends and G-d who helped me through these difficult times and into a much better situation.

The Little Blog That Could

A little less than 2 months ago I decided to end this blog and start an advice blog. The two people I gave advice to really valued and utilized my advice. However, it is hard to have a daily advice column with that little response. In the meantime I have been busy looking for steady employment and continuing to settle in to my new home as well as spending valuable time with my fiancee. The solution to the advice column dilemma seems to be either finding a way to market it so others hear about it and write in or to not continue writing it. At this time I realize that I am no marketing genius nor do I wish to try and become one. So I am going to share my erratic thoughts here for myself and the readers whether there are 3, 3,000, or 3 million.

Recently I went on one of many interviews I have gone on. This was for a part time instructor position that I knew I would enjoy doing, but had no idea if I would get it. After one interview and a presentation in front of the other instructors and the administrator; they had me filling out paperwork such as a W4 that you only complete if you have the job. I asked them if it meant that I got the job and they indicated yes. It took all the control I have to refrain from screaming with job or jumping up and down. I am still looking for additional work as this is part time and at night, but most importantly it is steady work.

I believe strongly in the concepts in The Four Agreements and the concept that one's esteem needs to come from within. However, I couldn't help myself from feeling much better about myself due to the reinorcement and the fact I will have some place to go on every weekday. It feels good to provide a necessary skill to society.

Feelings are clearly not logical. Before and after getting the job I was the same person. The difference is having my personal confidence reinforced. I worked one day so far as a sub and as of tonight I will begin working every weekday or do I call it every weeknight? Either way it feels great to get back to work and know I am providing a necessary service to others and one that I am confident I can do well.

Advice to Self: Start an Advice Blog

I haven't written in a while mostly because I have been busy getting settled in to my new place and continuing my job search. One of the things that's been bothering me with this blog is that it does not seem to attract a large following. I have my small group of readers who I truly appreciate, but those are mainly people who happen to know me personally. The main problem is the fact that I chose to write about a variety of topics thus leading to my blog title "Erratic Thoughts". This has led me to wonder if I need to change my blog or open a new blog.

As I have been considering my new blog I have gone over a few different concepts. I thought about mental illness, but I already tried that and I found it a bit tedious and depressing at times. Another possibility is sports, but that is something I have become less and less interesting in plus there are many sportswriters out there. Entertainment is a possibility, but that involves having funds to go out to many events plus again in some ways my interests have lessened. As I continued to think of every kind of topic and shot them all down, I started to think about what do I most enjoy reading. Mystery novels are intriguing, but I am not planning on writing a novel at this time nor do I want to review them. I truly enjoy reading advice columns such as Dear Abby and Ask Amy. Wait a second! All the general advice columns I have read have been written by women. I have always been a good listener and one who many people have turned to for advice so this sounds like a thought. I don't claim to be an expert or a psychologist, but I have a lot of experiences and opinions. I figure this will be an interesting thing to do and hope to do it for fun and maybe help a few people in the meantime.

Don't Lose that Improv Feeling

If you can make it to a live improv comedy show I highly recommend The Groundlings on Melrose in West Hollywood, but if you can't make it there then check out these clips from the original Whose Line is it Anyway from the UK.



Over the last approximately 4 years I have been busy trying to find ways to make money and/or obtain gainful employment. Since I haven't been successful at finding anything with a consistent schedule I have chosen not to perform with any improv group. I performed for a little over 10 years with a very funny group from Orange County, CA called An Angry Mob. We performed very successful shows as headliners at The Original Comedy Store on Sunset as well as the one in La Jolla, The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano, and The Ice House in Pasadena as well as many other locations. The problem was that we might perform 3 shows in a week then over the next 6 months perform just another 3. It's a tough business out there especially when you book your gigs yourselves.

My cousin Sue passed away 3 1/2 years ago after battling a debilitating disease. It was very difficult watching a woman who loved to chat and laugh forced to communicate only in writing since she had to have a tracheotomy. Her best friend and I switched off being at her bedside over a 3 month period so she almost always had a daily visitor. I don't mention this to pat myself on the back, but rather to explain why words she said have such meaning. Due to family discord that did not directly involve us, we had not been close until the last two years of her life. During this time she became very supportive of me as a person and enjoyed attending the group's performances. She encouraged me to keep performing even if it was just once or twice a year. I lived in L.A. for about a year from 2006 to 2007 and took classes with the well renowned Groundlings. I enjoyed the opportunity to perform although I did not make out of the first level through any of my three attempts. This is greatly due to the fact that I enjoy being a quick wit rather than being able to create characters which The Groundlings are known for (Paul Reubens aka Pee Wee Herman was a Groundling, Phil Hartman, Lisa Kudrow, and many many more).

There is such a camraderie felt when one is part of a comedy troupe or merely an improv comedy performance. The energy on the stage when shows go well is electric and it bonds the entire group. Even when shows don't go that well, the group can be bonded by blaming the audience, lighting, or the fact the girl in front had makeup that looked like it was put on by monkeys on crack. Of course there is the occasional time when the group doesn't get along, but with the right group it is all worth it in the end.

My cousin's answering machine allowed us to hear her voice from beyond the grave. When anyone called, Sue's voice would say "You Know What to Do." This message took us through difficult decisions her best friend and I had to make. These included carrying out her wishes when some of those were not made clear by her even though she had a living will and made me the executor of her estate. I know that I will jump up on an improv state again and hopefully sooner rather than later. One of the motivating factors will be knowing that somewhere my cousin will be smiling and laughing louder than anyone in the crowd. In addition, her words and spirit will always resonate with me letting me know that I know what to do.

A Raphe by any other name

I just left my local 7 Eleven and instead of being given a standard salutation such as thanks or have a goodnight, the guy said "Thanks Bub." After all these years I am being called bub. It's bad enough that my name Raphael is pronounced "Ray-fee-ohl" which confuses the average bear and almost anyone else I have met, but now I have to deal with the indignity of being called inane names.

My nickname is Raphe (Rayf) which has turned into Roff by people that I have known for years. People I don't know will call me Ralph or Greg and I just stand there in awe. However, these are situations where I can give them the benefit of the doubt and figure that somehow they just haven't heard my name right or maybe just don't care.

Why would anyone think calling someone boss would be received positively? When I get my oil changed I don't want to be referred to as boss or bro. A simple sir would do or even Mr. Margolin.




I have a strange idea for people in customer service. If you can't think of a respectable name to call your customer then how about asking him/her what they would like to be called? This concept may be too much for your average individual, but it is one that I wish would be taken into account.

Someday I will walk up to the counter at the local Seven Eleven, place my product on the counter, and have over my money. I will receive my change and my item then as I saunter out the store I will hear those special words, "Thank you sir." My ears will perk up and I will be one happy dude.

20 years or so of Bipolar

It was in 1990 that I was officially diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I wasn't given a certificate or anything, but the doctor definitively gave me that diagnosis. I knew that I had some sort of condition years before, but this was when I became truly aware. Being diagnosed with a mental illness is not like being told you have strep throat and being given an antibiotic. You can't take a drug and in a few weeks be magically cured. With mental illness it is a life long process of doctors, medications, education and more.

The date that started my ten week stay in various psychiatric hospitals was August 11, 1990. Thankfully since I exited the last of the 3 hospitals on October 23, 1990 I have not had the need to return. Does this mean that life has been simple since then? Definitely not simple at all. There have been many romantic relationships over the years that have not lasted including a failed marriage. I became an elementary school teacher only to find out after 7 years of full time teaching that this really wasn't the career for me. Leaving teaching I decided to try my hand at working as a Realtor, but I found that I don't like banging on people's doors and need a more structured job. I worked as an independent contractor doing general accounting for a friend for a while, but as of late last year he no longer needed my services due to lessening of his client base. I am still on call with him, but he hasn't needed me for quite a while. In case you didn't know, the job market isn't exactly stellar right now so looking back maybe teaching wasn't so bad after all.

Many of my problems are not limited to someone with a mental illness. This is where sometimes it is hard identifying if am I experiencing a situation that is part of being bipolar and having a manic or depressive episode or am I just experiencing the challenges of life. Being elated over getting a job or sad for losing one are quite normal. If these feelings last excessively long this can be an issue. If I either decide that I can suddenly be elected King of the World or that I am completely unemployable then these are mental illness issues. Unfortunately things are usually not that clear and there are subtle nuances one must learn to identify when feelings are going a bit awry.

As you can see even after having knowledge of this condition for nearly 20 years I am still learning more and more about myself. One of the best things one can have when dealing with any mental illness is having an excellent support system. I have been blessed with having supportive friends and family over the years and now a very wonderful fiancee who is there whenever I need her. The challenges will continue, but I can confidently say that I can succeed and when it is all over I plan on being able to say that I did it my way!