Job possibilities change my mood.

Amazing what a little change of perspective does for someone. I went to a hotel today to discuss a guest services agent position that might come up. I was referred by a friend of the family who is the general manager of a hotel owned by the same company. When I sat down with the man who is in the supervisor of front office staff, he indicated that he thought I would be better suited for an accounting position that may be coming up. I had been applying for hotel positions such as front desk and night auditors that mostly don't utilize all the skills that I have developed over the years. Hearing someone else say that I could qualify for something better reminds me that I do have hope to obtain quality employment.

Over the years I haven't given myself enough credit in the jobs I've applied for. I have taken collections jobs where the trainer was getting his G.E.D. when I had my B.A. I took a customer service job with a similar issue. This combined with impulsive behavior that is common in those with bipolar led to me losing many jobs. Putting myself in better situations will keep my stress level down and allow me to maintain employment and my mental health.

Stabbing and shooting in the news

This case http://www.boston.com/news/local/breaking_news/2009/10/1_shot_1_stabbe.html is not the typical bipolar situation, but it gets in the news. Do you see any headlines saying bipolar patient successfully melding into society, gainfully employed, and in a positive relationship? Of course not because that doesn't get ratings. It is extremely important to keep in mind that there are many out there that are able to maintain themselves with medication, therapy, and a positive loving and supportive environment.

What holds many people back is that there is a stigma towards those of with a mental illness. If we were born with diabetes, cancer, birth defect like a missing limb no one would fault us. However, since mental illnesses have so much stigma people born with it are looked upon as untouchables. This starts a vicious cycle. Mental illnesses are exacerbated by stress which can be increased by trying to keep secret a perceived deficiency. Keeping the secret leads to that stress and/or causing one to not to seek proper medical treatment.

What needs to be understood here is that in your lifetime you will likely have a mental illness or be in close contact with someone that does. We need to get to the point where we can accept everyone with any disability including having mental health issues. Otherwise what will continue to happen is that all that most people will hear about mental illness will be these wild stories and rather the real people like myself who struggle every day with their disorder.

Baseball won't bring me down.

Back in 1986 the California Angels as they were known came one pitch away from making it to the World Series for the very first time. Unfortunately, one pitch from Donnie Moore and Dave Henderson's home run changed that. The Angels lost that game and the next one and there went their World Series chance. I was watching the game in Palm Desert with my friend Tom at the time. He had just mentioned that it looked like the Angels were heading to the series and I said you never know cause this was the Angels and then it happened.

That was my senior year in high school and I was dealing with a lot of stress already and this just seemed to be the last straw. I auditioned for the school play and won the role of Judge Danforth in The Crucible as well as being enrolled in an English AP class where we constantly had to memorize poems. Add onto this the fact that I was not diagnosed yet with ADD or Bipolar disorder and you can imagine how challenging things could be. I guess the ball game was more of a domino then the last straw as it led to more intense stress.

Stress causes a high percentage of people with mental illness to have their first break or successive breaks. What makes things easier is learning strategies of how to deal with the stress. Currently with my search for employment, limited funds, making sure to have time with my daughter Hannah, and spending time with my girlfriend Wenona..In the past this would have overwhelmed me and maybe caused a break. However, I have learned that I can get past my problems and they are only temporary. It helps that I learned that I have bipolar disorder so I recognize there are times when I might get too manic or down and it doesn't match the situation. For me this is when I put things in perspective either by writing my thoughts, thinking them through, or talking with a loved one. My girlfriend Wenona has been a tremendous support addition since I met her last Thanksgiving.

What does this have to do with baseball? If I put my emotions into the local teams like I did in the past I would have been very excited when they both got into the league championship series and the chance of a freeway series appeared seriously possible. As they lost games I would have gotten very down and then when they won a game my emotions would have gotten extremely up again. This rollercoaster of emotions has gone from being like the Colossus at Magic Mountain to the Corkscrew at Knott's Berry Farm. Life is not easier, but it definitely is smoother and I like it.

Ohhhh, I've got that comedy feeling

I miss the days I used to perform with the Orange County Improv group "An Angry Mob". In a way the group parallels manic behavior although I would not claim to diagnose anyone else as I am not a doctor and especially not anyone that I was so close to.

I joined An Angry Mob back in 1994 as I had left another local improv group because the rules there were too stringent and unrealistic. Also, more importantly to me, I didn't particularly find the leader of the group to have a very good sense of humor. I find this important in a comedy group member let only it's leader. At this same time I was doing an occasional stand up comedy performance at an O.C. bar and saw An Angry Mob for the first time. I recognized a few of the members especially Stan (names are changed to protect the somewhat innocent) since I performed with him until I decided to drop out of the other group. Also, I recognized Regis as he was a writer with the other group. I found the group to be quite funny so I arranged to go to a rehearsal of the group and from there I became a member of the group for approximately 12 years.

Throughout the time the group performed the core turned out to be me, Regis, Stan, Gary (the quickest improv performer), and Charlene (high energy strong performer who could be heard from miles away). We had other performers join us intermittenly, but this was the core that was pretty much together the whole time I was there.

Comedy can be a bit manic in that one moment you are getting tons of laughter and the next you can hear crickets mating. We performed in front of a sold out crowd at The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano and in front of coffee houses where we outnumbered the patrons. We received huge laughs and applause at The Comedy Store one night then another night we were cut off mid show. There was much love felt in the group and disagreements as well. All the members had come from the other group so we had strong feelings about not having one overpowering leader which had its positives, but led to too many opinions and not one deciding director.

We had a lot of talent in the group, but lacked a sense of literal and figurative direction. Each member had full time jobs or were searching for full time work throughout the group's run. We were a professional group in that we made money on shows, but not enough to have permanent staff and/or have the performers make a living with this as their primary means of income. Some group members established relationships, had or already had children which also took focus away from the group.

I enjoyed performing in the shows and sometimes felt really happy with my work. The next show though I might take a step or two backwards and not feel very good. This somewhat typifies the challenge of being bipolar. Ups and downs are the nature of anything in life, but especially involving entertainment. I found myself getting too high at times when things were going really good on stage and thus coming down hard when the next time wasn't as dandy. Also, it was difficult for me to just go out there and let myself be free. Sometimes it was a fear of being judged as not so good and other times it was like part of me wondered if I would ever come back to reality if I was to embody a character well. I think I've learned to trust myself a lot more over the years since I left the group, but until I step on that stage, I can only wonder.

With all the positives and negatives, I truly miss weekly rehearsals and An Angry Mob.

Job Hunt Info

As a person with bipolar it is challenging to be out of work. The emotions of not feeling successful by being unemployed has been a challenge. On top of that there is the challenge of having too much time on one's hands. I know that I start to let negative thoughts in more often when I am having time to think all about it. When I am involved in constant activities there just isn't the time to let my emotions overcome me.

However, on the other hand there is the challenge of not taking a job that is either not mentally challenging enough or on the opposite end is too anxiety inducing. To add onto this problem is the fact that this is the worst job market in around 30 years.

The following comes from bipolarworld.net


Job Search/Interview Hints
These are hints from the "interviewer's" side of the table...hope they help you a bit...

NEVER disclose anything about your past that you do not have to...but be upfront with direct questions...If personal questions are asked by the interviewer, keep your answers professional and focused on the job you are interviewing for
NEVER disclose anything about your medical history unless you feel that there are changes in accommodations that need to be made...with BP this is totally unnecessary
NEVER discuss family, children etc... if you bring it up they can ask questions...they are not allowed to ask about your personal information such as marriage and children first though...if they do say something first say..."Oh, I didn't think you could ask me those questions"...
NEVER, EVER, EVER bring children with you to a job interview...EVER
NEVER "badmouth" your former employer, boss or supervisor...if you want to be immediately excluded from a job, "badmouthing" and telling an interviewer how the boss made you angry, so you just walked off the job is the way to go...otherwise, try to focus on the positives of your previous employer
NEVER discuss law suits etc. brought against former employers....this could label you as a trouble maker
ALWAYS reveal any criminal background you may have even a DUI/DWI...or spitting on the side walk...too many people do not realize that when a criminal background check is done...even magistrate court counts and paying a speeding ticket is an admission of guilt
ALWAYS list previous employers, but not necessarily your supervisor...a close co-worker is acceptable as a reference, but put the co-worker's title, however, be prepared to answer questions about your working relationship with your supervisor...try to answer these questions in the most positive way possible...never criticize your former supervisor, especially by "name calling"
ALWAYS contact those who you intend to use as references...ask them ... if they prefer not to be used as a reference you will not question and will understand...sometimes people's personal references can be very damaging...be prepared with names, complete addresses and phone numbers when you apply
ALWAYS have a CURRENT typed resume...this makes a BIG impression...but don't make corrections in pen etc. I keep mine on computer so I can easily make any changes
ALWAYS "over-dress" for the interview...but don't go overboard. It is almost never appropriate to wear jeans and a t-shirt to an office type job interview...then again...you don't want to wear a suit and tie to an interview for a casual position, that's for business...but even here make sure your clothing is clean, pressed and in good repair...jeans and a button down shirt are great...also make sure you are clean and well groomed no matter what position
IF you have previous positive reviews or evaluations from your employer, bring copies for your application...be careful if everything is marked "EXCELLENT" ...that makes me a bit wary...we all have things we need to work on...and although these are good and show your past history...they don't count with me as much as a job reference does...
Make Sure you have a firm hand shake...nothing turns me off faster than a "cold fish" hand shake from someone...but don't over power the interviewer...if they are on their knees before you...then you went too far...lol
Maintain good eye contact during the interview...but DO NOT "stare down" the interviewer...lol
Try to be as relaxed as possible, don't be afraid to tell the interviewer if you are a "bit nervous"...but try not to break out into a cold sweat...
Be pleasant and smile when appropriate. A smile really does brighten your face and make you look more positive
PREPARE yourself for the following questions:
Why did you leave your last place of employment?DO NOT PLACE BLAME HERE. A good answer is something like, "I feel that I wanted to expand my responsibilities more and I had reached my potential in my position." or "No room for advancement"
What are your best qualities?What are the areas that you feel you need to work on? (DO NOT ANSWER "I don't know" to either of the two above) (Do not answer ANGER MANAGEMENT to the second question...lol)
How do you handle conflict with a co-worker? with a supervisor? (don't get silly...know what I'm thinking right now...lol)
How will hiring you benefit XXXXXXX Company?
Where would you like to see yourself in 5 years, 10 years (etc)?
Thank the interviewer for their time and consideration at the end of the interview. Ask when you can be hearing from them. Wish them a good day.
You may have more suggestions...we would love to add them here...please contact bipolarworld@yahoo.com !
Published 10/2003
Bipolar World © 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001, 2002, 2003, 2004, 2005, 2006, 2007, 2008, 2009Owners: Allie Bloom, David Schafer, M.Ed. (Blackdog)Partners: John Haeckel, Judith (Duff)Founder: Colleen SullivanEmail Us at Bipolar World


Job Search hints from http://bipolarworld.net/job_school/job_search.htm

Being a daddy

I absolutely adore my daughter. She is five years old and such a joy to be around. Her personality is strong and so is her will. I do struggle wondering how well I would be as a father if I had stuck around with my wife. I know I made the right decision in leaving because I couldn't give my exwife the kind of traditional relationship at the time. We also just weren't right for each other and in my impulsive way I jumped into things.
Being impulsive is a problem many people with bipolar encounter. I now have found a woman I love and feel is right for me, but it is still important for me to not say yes to any plans that I haven't thought through. This of course involves my daughter too in that I need to make sure that she is protected by me so she has consistency in her life. However, I also feel it is okay for her to see that I show emotion and that showing emotion is okay.
One day when we were getting ready to go to her mother's house she started to cry. I thought it was cause she couldn't finish watching The Lion King, but she said it was cuz she wanted to spend more time with me. I told her she was going to make me cry and indeed I did. I don't see anything wrong with that as long as I can stabilize myself. I hope to maintain stability, but if I do need inpatient hospitalization while she is young I hope that my ex will not try and hide too much info as I think it is important she understands that daddy has an illness that with help he will get better. This sounds better to me than to just disappear for a while and have her wondering why I disappeared or thinking I abandoned her. Well, I am off to pick up my brilliant and amazing Hannah!

Is it bipolar or just life?

What is challenging about having bipolar is determining when life challenges are making things difficult or when it is problems with having the condition. Life has its natural ups and downs, but when simple challenges are blown out of proportion is when there comes bigger issues. This may be why when I was in high school and even into my twenties that I had trouble maintaining relationships. A relationship would seem really wonderful one day than a week later it wouldn't seem so great. I took a heavy load of classes my first semester senior year then I dropped all my challenging classes and was finished with a part in the school play so I had very little going on. Finding a happy medium for me has been very difficult. What is a positive life of stability appears to be boring. However, when I choose to act in the moment then I end up with something that is way too convoluted and a mess.

Unfortunately, early on I had such low self esteem that I gave power to others. I did whatever I could to make them happy or to get their affection. I didn't feel worthy to ask for what I needed so I would surreptitiously get what I wanted thinking that there was no way little old me could hurt anyone. I ended up feeling all alone and like I was in a hurricane struggling to grab onto something for stability. Clearly this was not a way I wanted to live and still struggle to maintain a solid foundation beneath me without wanting to run off and do something that will mess it up.

Yes, I have bipolar disorder.

I have always felt it is very useful to share experiences in order to realize that we are not alone. When I see we I am not referring to just those of us who suffer from being bipolar, but all of us who deal with the challenges of being human beings in this ever confusing world. I was 21 when I was first diagnosed with bipolar disorder. I had a sense when I was younger that something was amiss, but not sure what it was. I was always an emotional child with nervous habits and I could tell that made me different than other children. However, I had no clue what bipolar disorder was and just figured that many of the challenges I faced were because I wasn't able to utilize my intelligence and abilities to the level other students were. In essence my problems were all my fault and under my control.

Even when I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder it didn't make me feel much better. I figured that now I had a name for what was wrong with me, but all this meant was that I had a reason why I was a failure, but I was still a failure. I scored 1220 on the SAT exams and had always performed well on intelligence tests. However, in high school I had a g.p.a. of approximately 2.6 and about the same so far in college.

What helped me the most was getting to know others that suffer from bipolar disorder. Sitting in a room of 20 or so fellow sufferers at a bipolar support group and hearing similar life stories gave me plenty of comfort. I recall being at a meeting where a guy asked the group if they had done anything similar to what he did. I saw 80% of the hands go up and could see the utter shock on his face, but at the same time he clearly was comforted.

As I continue writing this blog I will share experiences from throughout my life that have affected me as a person. This is because I am not bipolar, I am a person who has bipolar disorder. This is a disease that has and will affect me throughout my life, but one that I can make the most of. My life has definitely been a challenge and I look forward to living each day and moment to the fullest.