I miss the days I used to perform with the Orange County Improv group "An Angry Mob". In a way the group parallels manic behavior although I would not claim to diagnose anyone else as I am not a doctor and especially not anyone that I was so close to.
I joined An Angry Mob back in 1994 as I had left another local improv group because the rules there were too stringent and unrealistic. Also, more importantly to me, I didn't particularly find the leader of the group to have a very good sense of humor. I find this important in a comedy group member let only it's leader. At this same time I was doing an occasional stand up comedy performance at an O.C. bar and saw An Angry Mob for the first time. I recognized a few of the members especially Stan (names are changed to protect the somewhat innocent) since I performed with him until I decided to drop out of the other group. Also, I recognized Regis as he was a writer with the other group. I found the group to be quite funny so I arranged to go to a rehearsal of the group and from there I became a member of the group for approximately 12 years.
Throughout the time the group performed the core turned out to be me, Regis, Stan, Gary (the quickest improv performer), and Charlene (high energy strong performer who could be heard from miles away). We had other performers join us intermittenly, but this was the core that was pretty much together the whole time I was there.
Comedy can be a bit manic in that one moment you are getting tons of laughter and the next you can hear crickets mating. We performed in front of a sold out crowd at The Coach House in San Juan Capistrano and in front of coffee houses where we outnumbered the patrons. We received huge laughs and applause at The Comedy Store one night then another night we were cut off mid show. There was much love felt in the group and disagreements as well. All the members had come from the other group so we had strong feelings about not having one overpowering leader which had its positives, but led to too many opinions and not one deciding director.
We had a lot of talent in the group, but lacked a sense of literal and figurative direction. Each member had full time jobs or were searching for full time work throughout the group's run. We were a professional group in that we made money on shows, but not enough to have permanent staff and/or have the performers make a living with this as their primary means of income. Some group members established relationships, had or already had children which also took focus away from the group.
I enjoyed performing in the shows and sometimes felt really happy with my work. The next show though I might take a step or two backwards and not feel very good. This somewhat typifies the challenge of being bipolar. Ups and downs are the nature of anything in life, but especially involving entertainment. I found myself getting too high at times when things were going really good on stage and thus coming down hard when the next time wasn't as dandy. Also, it was difficult for me to just go out there and let myself be free. Sometimes it was a fear of being judged as not so good and other times it was like part of me wondered if I would ever come back to reality if I was to embody a character well. I think I've learned to trust myself a lot more over the years since I left the group, but until I step on that stage, I can only wonder.
With all the positives and negatives, I truly miss weekly rehearsals and An Angry Mob.
No comments:
Post a Comment