Life is like Sudoku. It's a numbers game.

I love solving Sudoku puzzles. It gets to the point that many times I won't go to sleep until I finish one. This makes it challenging as I get sleepier while at the same time getting to the hardest part of the game. What makes this fun for me is that I have always enjoyed numbers. I was one of the kids that learned multiplication to his twelves in 1st grade and can multiply two digit numbers by two digit numbers in my head. Unfortunately with the invention of the calculator and programs like Excel this isn't very useful.

The term "It's a numbers game" has been used to refer to a variety of tasks in my life. This includes dating, finding a job, and working in sales. It is important to understand the real meaning of the saying and not take it too literally. When I was younger I pursued women with the numbers game mentality. I figured if I asked out enough women I was bound to end up dating one. This worked in the sense that I did date, but I didn't bother too be particular. Instead of thinking through my choices in women and who I was most compatible with, I went out with whomever would go out with me. That led to some fun dates and many other ones that ended not in a joyful way.

I took the same term and applied it to my work. I applied at a variety of jobs without consideration for which job fit me right and if I was offered something then I accepted the job. This led me to positions that sometimes I enjoyed like working at my college's bowling lanes, but other positions like working in fast food.

Where does this all come from? In my case it comes from low self esteemm growing up. Why would I pick and choose when I didn't think I was worthy. I just felt I was lucky to be employed or be on a date. It takes the knowledge I have gathered in life to realize that I am deserving of a better lot in life. This doesn't involve thinking I am any better or worse than anyone else. It is just a realization that I deserve a life that suits me best. This also of course is only fair to my employer or a person I date. I know that my girlfriend I have now is wonderful and I only could be with her by realizing that I deserve being treated well. Also, finding that in her is a warm heart, a supportive soul, and a smile that gives me butterflies.

I still face many challenges with my self esteem because it is hard changing old habits. However, I can quickly remember the qualities I possess so I can turn my thoughts into a more positive way. Life looks much better from this point of view. My life is like Sudoku, but now it is Sudoku on pristine pages.